The 10 Second Snog

THIS is the best bit of relationship advice I've ever heard and I thought I'd share it because this morning we had been driving for an hour before I realised we hadn't even kissed good morning.  Relationships go through good times and bad, life gets busy, we take things for granted. Sometimes that "buzz" just ain't there and this is a simple way to reinvigorate it. It takes particpation from both parties but just 10 seconds of your time.
Next time you exchange a kiss just count how long it takes. I can pretty much guarantee that unless you are in the first flush of love, it will be pretty quick.  There's the "wake up, rollover and squish lips" kiss, the "goodbye see you at the end of the day" kiss, the "hello honey I'm home" kiss, maybe a thank you kiss and finally a goodnight kiss. I'm pretty sure that most of those will be less than 10 seconds. I challenge you to count how long a normal kiss would be (withough giggling or deliberately stretching it out).
Didn't Einstein imply that if you want a different result you need to change what you are doing?  Well, if you want some more intimacy in your relationship then take a few seconds (literally) and give your partner a 10 second snog instead of the 2 second lip-glances that you most probably now exchange.  I bet your partner is surprised when you continue the kiss for 10 seconds. We have dissolved into laughter, gasped for air and well, generally enjoyed it!
So take the time to stop and deliberately kiss your partner. What's 10 seconds between friends?

The Shortness of Sheets

This week I had my annual Melanoma check. The Doctor was lovely but VERY quietly spoken (how do I emphasis something that is quiet? Bold capitals implies shouting or a louder statement of fact, so do I write in teeny tiny font?). I felt like I was leaning into him all the time to catch what he was saying (and yes, my hearing is fine, though selective).  I was so close that when he stopped I nearly ran into him.  He was very polite but for some reason I felt like giggling, maybe I was just nervous, but situations like this are always a bit odd. Next he asked me to take a seat and then he said hello formally, and then he asked me to stand up and go and take my clothes off behind the screen. I felt we could have done without the preliminaries.  It was at that point that he handed me the lovely clean blue sheet and said, "just cover yourself with this".

I did as requested but came to a stumbling block with the sheet.  Now, while I'm not the slimmest model in the stable, I consider myself to be at least an average build so what the heck was I going to with a long skinny piece of blue cloth. I lay on my back and tried to adjust it just so, however if I put it long ways it covered from my ankles to just over my best bits on the top of me but exposed my sides.  If I put it sideways, it covered my best top bits but only a bit of my best bottom bits! I chose the longways option but had to suppress the rising giggle.

Seriously, do Doctors not walk into the examination room and just want to hoot with laughter? (This is the main reason I didn't become a Doctor - I laugh at inappropriate moments in life). I bet they see some really creative positioning of the blue sheet.  Maybe they have a photo book in the lunchroom of the "best of" positions of the sheet. Whatever, the case, I am sure I am not the only person challenged by the shortness of sheets.

Oh yes, my check was all good. If you haven't had a check lately, perhaps you should take the time to have one too and just maybe you should take your own sheet...

Friendship

Friends are like fresh air which inhaled deeply makes your brain work better, your heart pump stronger and brings energy to your bones. I have a friend visiting this week and seriously we have not stopped talking.  That may be a girl thing but its also a chance for us both to recalibrate, check in and encourage.  There's nothing like a friend speaking into your life to make you pause and think about the honesty of their perspective of your situation.

When I develop a new friendship, I am entrusting that friend with the uniqueness of my life.  The more the relationship develops, the more permission I give to my friend to speak into my life.  That permission is implied rather than stated but there is a period of testing the waters; sharing deeper or more personal information, giving and receiving advice, honouring and respecting one another. Relationships are formed by trial and error and based on mutual trust.  We have to learn to be friends and friendships take effort.

I read a verse the other day that said " Love prospers when a fault is forgiven but dwelling on it separates close friends." We are never going to get it right all the time. We are going to hurt and misinterpret and find fault (if we want to go looking for it) but if we can learn to forgive those faults and hurts then we are going to build deeper relationships.

My relationship with Shaz has seen good times and bad.  We've lived life together (quite literally with our families in the same house for a few months - 4 adults, 7 kids - what were we thinking!!?), been involved in our kids lives, shared triumphs and disappointments, done church together, grown up together and we still like nothing better than a good talk to sort out our worlds. She accepts me, loves me and is not afraid to point out opportunities for me to view life differently and I love her for that.

We are called to love everyone but everyone will not be your friend.  We get to choose our friends. and your life is precious so choose wisely. Your life is a gift to be unwrapped with care and respect so if the friends you have chosen don't treat it that way then take responsibility for your life and share the gift with those who will enjoy the revelation of the you inside.

Family

This week I have travelled to Newcastle for the wedding of one of my niece's.  I'm not sure why I always think it's such an effort to travel there because it really isn't!  The joy of going there is that I see all the stuff that I am missing but don't know I am missing.  I really miss my Dad.  He passed away the year I got married 34 years ago, so was never really part of my adult life but when I arrive at my brother's house it sometimes hits me how much he is like my dad.  He is the age I remember my Dad at most and he looks like him, talks like him (albeit with an aussie twang) and even sometimes calls me Toots which was the nick name only my Dad ever used for me. Sometimes I can feel quite undone by these moments.  The longing for my Dad in my life (& my Mum) has never gone away. I've got to say that I miss them and I am sad that my kids never knew my Dad because he was a great guy and he would have loved them to bits.

There's nothing quite the same as being around your siblings. I see it in my own kids when they get together. The good, bad and the ugly all makes up the sum total. It's the knowing what you know without the explanations. The ability to pick up a conversation without having to explain everything in between meetings. The looks and gestures that refresh memories. Add to this mix the aunties, uncles, cousins and inlaws and life gets interesting. Families are strange things but they sure do bring a richness to life.

What is Your Default?

Last week my friend Hannah posted on her blog some great thoughts about the power of words.  She over heard someone else's negative words and was musing about the effect of our words when we speak to others. Yesterday I sat in church and heard a similar message. I was challenged about the whether or not I choose to listen to the negative default voices within me.  We all have "stuff" that happens to us in life, it is inevitable. The same thing might happen to a group of people and they can all react differently because they are all wired differently and therefore their reactions/responses will be different to circumstances and events. 

Our reactions to life events create pathways for us to follow in the future (if we choose), they become our default mindsets and sometimes it is difficult to see that those pathways may be created through negative circumstances, lack of understanding, or an inability to question the relevance or truth of the issue. The challenge is to search for the truth about your circumstances and your responses to those circumstances.  Is the default you choose actually the best response to your circumstance or is it what you have learned over time and have never questioned or held up for inspection in the light of truth?  The process might be easy or it might be hard.  It might not be pretty and possibly its messy but being able to make a true statement when in the past you have believed a lie is liberating. 

Here's a simple exercise; write down a few statements about yourself and check whether they are actually true of not. you might be surprised to see that even some of the fundamentals you believe are actually not true.  Start building some positive statements about your negative situations, write them down, say them out loud in the shower, believe them!

I was really sad this week to hear about the death of Robyn Williams.  The funny man and brilliant actor is no more.  We only saw the beautiful, wonderful bits of him and we loved them but in his private world he must having been facing some huge anguish. It has made me wonder what lies he believed about himself in order to choose the finality of death. I hope it makes me more careful about what I will believe in and the words I choose to speak into others' lives. 

Aleksandr & Sergei Make Me Smile

A wise book that I read says that a cheerful heart is good medicine but a broken spirit saps a person's strength. In other words you need to be laughing a lot more.....

Sometimes life is just tough and you have to find a way through that. Usually other people can't do that for you so you have to find a way to put one foot in front of the other.  I think generally we are too hard on ourselves.  I don't see that in myself (of course) but when I look at friends going through tough times I often observe that they use words like should, must and have to. Actually sometimes you just need to let go of things and grab hold of a different perspective.  Not easy to do I admit but here's an idea.

Just like its good to eat fresh food to clean your palate, sometimes we need fresh thoughts to clear our mind.  Over the last few months I have fallen in love with Aleksandr & Sergei.  They are the hilarious Meerkats found on the insurance comparison website. Seriously, they make me giggle every time. Big Red does not share the joke, he's a pretty serious bloke, but now I can get him laughing ridiculously at me laughing at the Meerkats. I can't even drive by their road sign without chuckling.

So, when you are feeling a bit blue, when you feel like your sap isn't flowing anymore, check out the Meerkats or find an equivalent, stupidly funny something that makes you smile. It wont fix all your problems, it wont make them go away but.... I guarantee that after a good belly laugh you will feel a bit better.  And even if that is just a tiny bit, isn't it worth it?

New Begininings

This week has been a week of new beginnings for me. I've started the blog (well, that has taken me a few weeks to start but I have "launched" it.  This is exciting because I am writing.  I've told people for years that I have a book in me but I just needed to start writing and here I am.  It's funny because I know that I have a voice for a purpose and I have always thought that was to speak (and yes, I do like to do that too, the bigger the audience the better....) but I am also finding my voice as I write and that is a discovery.  

I've started a new business this week; TWO HR, my Human Resource Consultancy. I needed a change from the 9 to 5 constancy of full time employment. I wasn't sure that I could keep doing it and maintain good levels of energy.  My creativity had dried up as my mind was consumed with work issues. It was time for change! I want to work collaboratively with clients and other businesses to create fabulous solutions in workplaces. My work will make someone else's life better. If you are intereted in how I can work with your business you can email me; denise@twohr.com.au

I have participated in the launch of Lifecity Church.  We had a great morning this morning, Sunday 27th July, celebrating the beginning of the church which is the result of a merge between River City Church and the Princess Church. We meet at the Princess Theatre which is an amazing historical building in the heart of Woolloongabba. I'm part of the creative team there and sing and lead with the band. New people, new experiences, new beginnings.  

 Finally that was all capped off by the news that a special friend and her husband had just welcomed their new son into the world in London. It's been an exciting few days.